Several years ago, I was shopping at Costco. As usual, I got steaks, bourbon, wine, and a mountain of other necessities. As with many big box stores, the downside of shopping at Costco is the checkout process. On weekends, the lines are invariably long and slow moving which is why I choose to go on Wednesdays right at opening time. I fly through Costco like a rocket. I’m usually finished collecting my goods in 10 minutes, and standing at the checkout counter no later than 20 minutes after I first entered the store.
On this particular occasion, I was first in line at checkout. I handed the young man my Costco card. He was roughly my daughter’s age. He scanned it, looked at it, and happily said “Hi Mr. Garner, How’s Jenn?”
Jenn, my first born, is a graduate of a local private school, and in the year and a half she attended had made quite an impact. Everyone knew Jenn Garner. She had that funny Australian accent. She won numerous sports awards, was named to the school Judiciary Council, was the starting goal keeper on the soccer team, and starting catcher on the softball team. He grades were astounding.
At the time of this particular visit to Costco, though, she was a student at Mount Holyoke College. It was summer break, and she had gone to Bolivia to help mountain top pheasants learn to do something useful. Unfortunately, those noble plans were on hold because at this moment she was languishing in a hospital in some tiny town in Bolivia having picked up a happy thing called ‘The Bolivian Two-Step’, or as we would call it, ‘typhoid fever’. The ‘Two-Step’ got her a helicopter ride from the mountain top to a Bolivian hospital for about a month’s stay.
So, I related to her friend about her trip to Bolivia to help poor Bolivian pheasants learn how to survive better on isolated mountain tops. I expressed to him how I had cautioned her about going places alone. When in pubs or cafes, I cautioned her, always sit near a door but not in front of a door; near a window but not in front of a window. Look at each patron, I explained to her, and try to figure out their ‘story’. If something doesn’t make sense, leave quickly but leave inconspicuously.
The young man just listened and hardly blinked. I explained about how she was very serious about international relations and studies, and that her Spanish was flawless. Unfortunately she had eaten something that she probably shouldn’t have, most likely a salad, because she picked up a nasty intestinal bug that really knocked her down. She’s doing ok there in the hospital, I explained, but I could only speak to the nurse who spoke English because I speak no Spanish at all. Right now, I explained, we are just trying to get her healthy enough to come home.”
The kid just blinked at me with eyes wide. “Relax, kid”, I told him, “She’ll be just fine once we get her home.”
He finished ringing up my items, and looked at me again as I paid my bill. ‘Jennifer Garner is in a Bolivian hospital because she ate a bad salad and came down with ‘The Bolivian Two-Step’?’, he asked.
“Yep”, I said, “but she’s getting better and will be home soon. ” Glancing at his name tag, I said “I’ll tell her you asked about her, Jeff.”
He just blinked at me and I left.
I was driving home when it occurred to me that he was probably taking about the actress Jennifer Garner.
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